


Insecurities

by vondeera



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: First Kiss, Fluff, Insecurities, M/M, Makkachin happily observing said kiss, Self-Esteem Issues, Victor really likes Yuuri ok, body image issues, give Yuuri's body some loving
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-28
Updated: 2016-10-28
Packaged: 2018-08-27 14:25:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,476
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8405050
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vondeera/pseuds/vondeera
Summary: Where muscle is undoubtedly toned, the shape overall is too bulky and defined by way too many sharp angles, I find it hard to believe I tried to emulate a seductive woman not too long ago.





	

            I can’t say I planned to have these thoughts when I stepped in front of the mirror – in fact, I try to avoid standing too much in front of mirrors out of fear for thoughts like these. Yet here I was, trying on new work out pants, because since I _have_ lost weight, the old ones fit weirdly now, my ballet tights also need to be replaced, for that matter. I quickly scan my shape trying to objectively determine whether the pair I have on fits right or not and yet my mind quickly jumps to images of Yurio’s body; how slender he is, how easily his body moves, how flexible he is – and then Victor’s body, the grace and sex-appeal all merging together so seamlessly you can’t quite distinguish one from the other – in comparison, I know my body falls short.

            “Yuuri~!” Victor calls for me from outside of the room, shoving his head in to observe anyway. “Hm…I don’t think these will go. You look like you couldn’t run for 30 minutes without sweating in these. I’ll look for another pair, hang tight,” I let go of the breath I’ve been holding in and try to clear my thoughts. The fabric was ok, it felt as though my skin could breathe – my body wasn’t doing the pair any favor, though.

            I take the pants and step out a little disappointed, but I explain that the pair feels ok and I buy it. Admittedly, I knew that no matter what I would pick, I would ultimately end up disliking myself in them anyway. Victor takes notice of the fact that I’m down on our way home, however I refuse to give him any details, because this is not what we should be focusing on right now and I truly believe I can work my way around this problem.

            That proves to be untrue when I strip down for the onsen that night. I take notice of my reflection on the glass door and it immediately makes me want to go to sleep unwashed. Where muscle is undoubtedly toned, the shape overall is too bulky and defined by way too many sharp angles, I find it hard to believe I tried to emulate a seductive woman not too long ago. I run my palm over my straight hip, up on the side of my ribcage and all the way to where my shoulder are broad and yet small at the same time. A little bit of fat hangs low at the bottom of my stomach, completing this picture which I so despise to see and – “Oh, Yuuri!” Victor shakes me out of my musing and I almost jump out of my skin.

            I can’t keep my eyes off him when we bathe, that being said I have no weird intentions. As he talks, I trail the curve of his neck and shoulders with my gaze, over his pectorals and down to as much of his lower abdomen that I can see. Not a single thought aside from _Oh, how beautiful is he._ comes to my mind, so I can’t even begin to compare out bodies.

            “So, are you going to tell me what’s wrong now?” He calls out to me in the quietness of the onsen. “Or perhaps I should inflict my authority as your coach and demand you tell me?” He chuckles with a carefree smile as a cold shiver runs down my spine. “It’s really nothing,” I sigh, getting up and out of the pool to go and change. As I stop in front of the door, I slightly turn my head back to him. “What can I do to look even a fraction as beautiful as you?” I don’t give him the time to register my question before I rush out the window and as soon as possible into my room.

            Once there, I lay face first onto my bed, the softness of the pillow caressing my cheeks. I shouldn’t have said that before, but it’s too late for regrets now. I don’t raise my head to look when I hear the door opening, because I know he would chase after me – he always chases after me. And I’m just being unfair.

            For a long while, there’s just silence. Victor’s steps are calm and quiet as he comes and sits on the edge of my bed; for a while it’s really peaceful like that, the sound of his breathing and the sound of my breathing merging together as though we were breathing in synch, the way his fingers tapped at the mattress, and Makkachin’s patient pacing around the room. “You know, Yuuri,” Victor silently started, almost as if he was whispering to me. My breath stops dead in my throat when the warmth of his palm is on my colder one, yet my fingers instinctively find his, linking together, holding on for dear life. “I think you’re very beautiful,” He finally says, his hand giving mine a little reassuring squeeze as though I he didn’t want me to believe such a thing could be a lie.

            I roll my head on the pillow so I can look at him, and instead of his carefree smile directed in my direction, I find his face serious and thoughtful. “I’ve also seen what this body can do, if that’s what you’re worried about – and it’s really impressive,” he continues, not yet looking at me, but giving me more and more squeezes to my hand. I did not want him to see this part of me that is full of insecurities; I did not want to see that despite everything that he told me on the beach, I had these demons I haven’t learned how to fight yet.

            “I know that you’ve been pretty much alone for most of your career, and it’s hard to open up, but you’re not alone anymore,” Ah, that’s right. _What do you want me to be to you?_ is what he asked me, and my answer was at best ambiguous. Yet here he is, doing exactly what I so selfishly asked him to do. _Just stay by my side,_ I wordlessly begged him back on the beach, and here he is, providing. How can I learn to draw my powers from this, I do not know yet.

            As I get once more lost in thought, Victor lays down beside me, facing me, our faces incredibly close. Our hands are still joined and I can almost feel his pulse on my fingertips. “Yuuri, can I kiss you?” he asks me as our foreheads come together. In response I can only close my eyes, and let my worries melt away consequently to our lips meeting halfway. It’s sweet and soft and gentle, yet I am completely intoxicated. I hear the voice saying that he might one day lave me in the back on my head, trying to ruin this moment which I have wished for a long time; the voice saying that it’s finally happening, it’s finally here is much more loud though.

            I run the fingers of my free hand over his face and through his hair and our lips almost melt together. I can’t remember where my mouth ends and where his begins, but I do register the difference in temperature gradually fading away while I try my best to keep up with Victor.

            I don’t know when his hands have moved to roam all over my body, but when our mouth finally part I yelp in surprise. “You don’t have to --” I try to protest as I realize where his hands were heading to, however my coach is having none of that. “It seems that no matter how much you train, your belly will always be a bit soft, hm?” _Stop it._ I plead in my mouth and close my eyes as a self-defense mechanism. “I love that,” he whispers in my ear, firmly. It’s like my world stops altogether for a good two or three seconds. This part of me which I have always despised is suddenly being appreciated, and much more than any other compliment this one hits me hard.

           “It’s amazing, really, you could be so seductive when you wish to, yet this body is so lovable outside of the skating rink, it really invites you for cuddles. Speaking of, let’s sleep together. It’s late, you have training early tomorrow,” he ends his speech on a scolding note, but the first part still plays over and over in my head, making me dizzy, filling my senses and making my heart clench tightly.

           True to his words, his arms quickly wrap around me, but I no longer have the energy to protest – not that I really wanted to, anyway. With the upcoming competitions and the future in mind, I peacefully fall asleep in Victor’s arms that night.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments & Kudos much appreciated


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